The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports

For two minutes today millions of people who otherwise think horses only belong in John Wayne movies, 1837 and parades will pretend to care about them. After those 120 seconds of madness, otherwise known as the Kentucky Derby, pass the masses will forget about horseys for another year and go back to their daily routine of napping, masturbating and eating. Well, at least that's my idea of a good day. What won't these masses forget about? The real reason anyone ever watches horse racing, poker on TV, NFL games not involving their home team, dog racing, fantasy updates on television and cockfighting. Gambling, obviously.

I bet you five bucks you saw that one coming.