It's a start

Paris Hilton has been sentenced to forty-five days in jail for violating the terms of her probation. While I would have guessed that the item she violated was stealing air from the rest of productive society, turns out it was for something else. Namely, driving her socialitemobile around L.A. on a suspended license. Twice. You'd think she could afford a fucking cab.

Upon appearing in court Paris and her legal team had constructed a foolproof legal defense. What was this awesome legal action sure to free Paris from the injustice of having to follow laws like the rest of the world, you ask? Pleading pure unadulterated ignorance, of course.

She said that when an officer who stopped her in January made her sign a document stating her license was suspended, she thought he was mistaken and did not actually look at the document.

"I'm very sorry and from now on I'm going to pay complete attention to everything. I'm sorry and I did not do it on purpose at all," she told the judge before he announced the sentence.

Hrm. Really? You will? While ignoring the obvious physical and theoretical impossibilities involved with paying "complete attention to everything" I find her credibility a bit suspect. Only substitute "credibility a bit suspect" with "a vapid lying whore." But, I can't be too upset, because she is going to jail and any time a rich waste of flesh goes to jail a little piece of my soul throws a party. Unfortunately for the world her jail stay is approximately eighty-three-trillion two-hundred and six days too short.