8,428,571* and Counting

That's the number of people who bought tickets to watch Tubby McGuire somehow try to convince them he's an action hero and that snotty snaggletoothed trollop from Interview with A Vampire pretend to be an attractive female. I don't care how much ice she rubs on her nipples before their next make-out scene, I'm still not buying them or a ticket. Best I can do is maybe add them to my Netflix list. At the bottom. Right behind Faces of Death 82 and Fried Green Tomatoes.

Put your mask back on before you entice more people to take up villainry as a career. McGuire as a Superhero is to thwarting crime as a Twinkie deep fried and drizzled with chocolate is to thwarting obesity.

*Number based upon an average ticket price of $7.00 and taking into account all you ninnies who went to the matinée alone to save face and a buck and a half off your entry fee.