It's been a while since I posted anything here, so here's some terts.

(Testing) - My Biology Notes Part III

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The Ironically LOL story of my bannage

Background info: The following post got me banned. The funny part is that Jack prides himself on his internet manliness, yet turns into a huge sloppy vagina when confronted with his own words. Of course, he has to immediately delete such a post and attempt to silence any criticism. I believe they call that, "Being able to dish it out, but not take it." I suppose it sucks to be a hypocritical douche. Anyway here's the post in its unedited entirety...if you like it, or if you're a spamming webcrawler, let him know how you feel at omgdudewtf06@hotmail.com or at wtfjack@gmail.com :

I have no idea where to put this, but since it's been made into a goddamn drama bomb I figure here's as good a place as any.

"How about instead of crying on another forum about something you come to me and discuss it instead? This is the third time in the last month someone has come to me saying you are whining about us on another forum. If you don't like the place, we're not twisting your fucking arm to be here.

You'll get all the shallow discussions, meaningless repeat threads and fuzzy reposted tits you want at WBW.

If we're too "dramatic", or "deep" or "creative" for you - no one is asking you to be here.

Continue polishing the brass on the titanic over there and leave us out of your discussions."

And:

1. Someone told me that Ericlindros was crying at another forum because 0MG SPAM ISNT AN ACRONYM AND YOU FUCKERS ARE SO STUPID IM SO SUPERIOR!!!11 Nothing like crying about one forum on another and causing people to come tell me about it. Christ. If you don't like the place (all I hear you do anymore is complain, Lindros. We're too "family friendly" or we're not "edgy enough" or blah blah fucking blah. How about you go complain at one of your many sports forums? Is that edgy enough for you?)

Do I have your attention, Big Guy? Done crying now?

You want my attention? You got it.

Where to start? Oh, I don't know, how about getting your facts straight before calling me any names here, bud. Let's start with me "crying." Let's take a look...

I said:

This

I was basically sick of seeing acronyms for SPAM, because poor attempts at humor grate on me like nails on a chalkboard. Seems more of a rant than a cry, but that's not the real crux of the issue.

I would like to know where, exactly, I am demonstrating any delusions of superiority or dropping insults to this particular forum? Now, for a number of reasons, I ignored it here. First and foremost, because I don't read the spam threads here so it would be a little obnoxious to complain about something that doesn't pertain to me in the least. This is, by the way, also the reason I hadn't seen the Jack edict asking not to name them as such anymore. Second, it's not in keeping with the tenor of this forum to voice complaints loudly. Yes, I know your staged “fight” with Trust was supposed to show us that we can disagree, but, well Jack, you're a bit fucking sensitive when it comes to any criticism of VirtualShenanigans. So I try to avoid that. Further, I realize that I'm somewhat of a 'fringe' member here, as I'm not the most outgoing and active poster on this forum, and as such understand that it's best I not piss in everyones porridge here. Finally, had I meant to directly insult this forum and its members, I would have done so. I'm no shrinking violet and if I have something that needs to be said, it will be.

However, when that crap started spreading, much like dysentery in a crowed slum, over to Dub-ee-double-you (which, btw, is ridiculous that I even have to spell it like that to avoid being censored with some fight-clubby reference...but I've said that before, so that's not exactly a new complaint), where I am a much more active participant and moderator, I felt I had the right to air my complaints, and did as much. Now, the fun little part comes as it seemed to me, as there are a number of dual members, that whomever (in this case Demonicmale) was responsible for doing that over there had very likely picked up the habit here, so I thought perhaps if I were lucky enough to be extra persuasive, I could nip it in the but (at least to some extent) in both places.

Little did I know that amongst the dual-members are some awesome people who feel it's their job to act dually as playground tattle-tale and shit-stirrer. You, whoever you are, are the salt of the earth, my friend. Many thanks. The comments that I made were not meant to be taken as insults by anyone here, but, as I've already mentioned, there is some thin skin around here. If all you hear is me complaining, Jack, perhaps you need to take the fucking wax out of your ears. A majority of my time on the forums here is spent in the political/news/debate forum, as I realize there are some smart people with interesting diverse opinions here and enjoy interacting with them. If you need me to come out and literally spell it out for you you obviously don't know enough about my postings and sentiments toward this forum to be making such sweeping generalizations.

Now, be that as it may, that is ONE, and only one time I've even referenced VirtualShenanigans over there and even that was a veiled reference that only a handful of people would even get. I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about when you mention there are two other times that I've "whined" about VirtualShenanigans over there at all, much less in the last month, but never let the facts get in the way of a good flaming rant.

I admit that I have said that VirtualShenanigans is too 'family friendly' or whatever, as outside of a few forums it feels almost as if I'm a single guy on a couples cruise. I doubt I'm the only one who notices this, but up until now I never felt it necessary to actually come out and say it, but since there seems to be some confusion as to my feelings on this forum, I might as well remove any lingering doubts you may have by being as honest as possible, so as to avoid any misunderstanding. But again, this is nothing new, and shouldn't come as a surprise, and thus I wouldn't think my longstanding opinion is grounds for "all i ever hear you do is complain" or whatever. This has been an issue with me for some time, and I'm fine with the way it is. What I haven't said before, and I think, to some extent, keeps random people from participating here at times, is that VirtualShenanigans can come off, much like a high-school girls locker-room, as very cliquey. Again, not terrible, but as long as I'm being accused of trashing the place, I might as well bring up the things I actually do see as negative instead of having people just go ahead and speculate about it. As far as forums go, you can't always have your cake and eat it too. If everyone could there would only be like one forum on the internet. I'm aware that you're not 'twisting my arm' to be here and likewise you should be aware that I'm not forced to love every little minute aspect of this forum. I can take the good with the meh.

Now, what I find sadly amusing about this whole situation is that for someone who has repeatedly said they don't care about that other forum, you certainly seem to care a lot about what is said and what goes on there. I mean, look what was started by me addressing the title of a thread over there, and just throwing in six words that I hoped might have a carry-over effect. Added to that is the irony of someone who once prided themselves on being an internet tough-guy (my words, not yours) turning into a cranky forum admin who gets his panties in a twist whenever someone says or does anything that he feels or perceives as a slight, even if it wasn't meant as such. And what's more, I find it a bit hypocritical for a person who systematically criticizes almost everything about that forum, including the 'titanic polishing' comments above, to take such umbrage at someone having a negative opinion of THE TITLE OF A THREAD HERE. What the fuck, man? Now, I've never brought all this up because I realize that a good amount of time and effort is put into running this forum and cut some slack because of that, but enough is enough. Take a look at the big picture. In fact, in the event you ever decide to go back there, I made you an avatar that I think fits your recent role of theoretical forum revolutionary and freedom fighter, yet dictatorial ruler when in power:

Che-Jack

Finally, before I wander back to polishing the brass on the titanic, I feel it's my obligation to let it be known that come what may out of this nonsense, there is nothing short of an act of a deity that will allow someone to dictate to me what I can and cannot say to whomever I feel needs hearing it and in whatever medium I feel is appropriate.

I'm also aware that there's a high probability of this post being swept under the carpet and my being banned as a result, however don't try to say I take pot-shots at people or sites unjustly, nor do I back down from the few comments attributed to me that I actually have said. I've said my peace, and I hope there's a better understanding of what I actually said and the circumstances surrounding it. I'm off to the titanic, you keep playing with your dinghy.

Lindros

27 Intersting Photos from Days of Yore

I can understand soldiers taking home a souvenir from their travels abroad, but this is ridiculous.

Early Eastern European versions of the street-sweeper were less than successful.

When taking your pet naked-guy for a walk in town please try to keep him out of the road.

The optimist club? If this is an optimist club, I'd hate to be a member of the 1955 pessimist club.

"Holy sh...!?"

Richard Gere's hospital room; sometime in the early 80's.

It comes out to 42.

Let it be never be said that the KKK weren't fun loving guys. Either that or they had a mentality on par with a group of 12 year olds.

Someone should have told Gomez Adams that wasn't going to work. You've got to love his enthusiasm though.

The two things I noticed about this picture were the high-ranking dog being saluted and Cuba Gooding Jr. sucking on a lollipop in the lower right corner.

About this time Jack realized his robot program had gone horribly wrong...

Long before 2 girls, one cup there was one soldier, one spoon.

The original version of precision guided munitions.

Before satellite radio, in-dash DVD players & spinning rims there was Highway Phonograph. The only downside is that you'll have to find somewhere else to store your Grey Poupon.

Britney, Lindsay & Paris need to take note: this is how it's supposed to be done.

Those cheap seats look like fun. Today, however, the owner of the building would set up a set of bleachers and charge people for the privilege of watching the game from half a mile away.

Self Explanatory

He wins points for originality, but there are much easier methods of suicide.

Someone needs the rules explained to them a little better, I think.

Trainwrecked.

My understanding is that they played pretty dirty.

Little Billy was always book-smart and a bit inventive, however his common sense left something to be desired.

Unusually large wood, especially the girth.

Old-school style "You're doing it wrong"



I can't think of many pithy Nazi comments, so I'll just move on.



Shortly after this the cafeteria stopped "chili day."

I got these images from VS, where there are many more that I didn't use here.

Mike & Mike Suck This Much and then some

How is it that Jeff Ross is such an awesome no-holds-barred roaster, yet he's barely scratched the surface of pop culture, with only a few appearances on Conan O'Brien if they could find time for him between the dancing hot-dog and the B-list guest they have booked for that night? Ellen can get numerous TV shows based on her comic prowess yet Jeff Ross can't get anything more than half a minute after the "year 2000" guy? Way to go Hollywood. Way to go.

JEFFREY ROSS MIKE AND MIKE ROAST

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Random Link Stuff

• How about that Alicia Keys. Usually the only celebrity types I pay attention to are really attractive and generally delightfully wang hardening, and she's really not in that category, but she really can sing her some songs. She reminds me of Whitney from about 10 years ago, but without the crack and husband with the IQ of a Firestone tire. What brings this random thought? Just listening to this: No One

• Whoever had the under on the over/under on whether or not Britney Spears little sister made it to the age of consent before turning into a dirty trailer-trash whore is out buying shots for all his friends right now. Personally, I would have teased that down to the pre-embryonic stages, but for some reason Vegas doesn't carry odds on dudes sperm. Which is probably a good thing. Proof.

• Picture of hot chicks because word-only posts don't belong on the internets.

• In a totally unrelated note, for some reason the parenting book the Spears family matriarch was writing has been put on indefinite hold. I can't understand why. It would be a runaway hit, I'm sure, besting the stunningly awesome numbers put up by the Bill O'Reilly book on Humility, the Carrot Top joke book and Stalin's anthology on Human Rights.

• Finally, while I normally abhor everything that is the Dallas Cowboys and their troglodyte fans (although troglodyte fans aren't limited to just Dallas, obviously), I must say I'm enjoying Tony Romo and his penis derailing his team. Every time he brings a ridiculously hot chick to his games he seems to suck up and down the field. Which is manly. Because, were I a professional football player dating a gorgeous chick in the stands, my mind would certainly be up there with her instead of down on the turf, with my hands between some dude's legs looking at a line of five 300+ lb. linemen in spandex. Super special two picture post, since this post is related to Jessica.

I own you bitches

I'll pick you up and twirl you around like Agent Smith in the Matrix you little turds. With all that "waaaaah, I want my mommy" crap. So yeah, I'll take you on and the rest of your kindergarden class and come out on top. How do you like them apples, you five year old bastards.

27

Curious to see how many 5 year olds you can take out? Just go to www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com . They'll tell you. It's science, so you know it's accurate.

Forecast: All Wet

Looks like there's going to be some fury as this storm blows through Ohio, enters eastern Pennsylvania and dumps all over both states. The people in the path will be left all wet. I bet they wish they had taken proper precautions before running into this thunderous big blow. It's certainly more than your average heavy dew. Ok, I've run out of stupid puns. In case you missed it, this weatherman has a huge Doppler cock.

Adult Swim BCS

Hey, ESPN, pay attention here. A hairy chested, wife-beater wearing, balding, cartoon character wearing zubas that is aired on the Cartoon Channel is more knowledgeable with regard to College football than are most of your "commentators." Someone please tell Beano Cook that the role of Jabba the Hut has been filled, and it's time to retire.

There is no Santa Claus

It's the end of an era. I feel like Mike McDee when Teddy KGB shows his aces-full. I feel like Stephen Rea in the Crying Game. I feel like Ray Finkle after Superbowl XVII. It's the gut punch of all gut punches. Or ball punch, more accurately.

So today, I'm doing my typical thing, you know, killing some time by checking out some celebrity gossip sites in the hopes that some lovely celebrity has once again loosed her naughty bits in front of the paparazzi, allowing me a glimpse as what she knows she wants to offer me anyway. Unfortunately, the only celeb news I found today was some blather about the human wasteland that was formerly known as Britney, an update on Herpes Valley, or as some refer to, Paris Hilton. And this:

What is that you ask? The rear of a pear? Centerfold of Cellulite Weekly? The Ghost of Erections Past? No, friends, unfortunately, the correct answer is Jennifer Love Hewitt. Yes, that's right, the woman who was able to single-handedly support not only the horrible "I Know What You Did Last Summer" franchise, but also made normal, heterosexual guys actually watch that estrogen filled cesspool that was Party of Five. Really, that's some feat. Normally, one would think a person capable of performing such magical acts would use some of that juju to keep her body in shape at least through her mid 30s. But no, she's 28. Diane Lane is gorgeous and she's 108, but JLH couldn't keep it together for even 10 years. I'm filled with sadness, disappointment, shock and limpety. Just a damn shame, is what it is.

First Neve Campbell gets all old and hippy-like, despite her flash in the pan moment in Wild Things. Now "Love" has gone the way of the hippopotamus. The bearded guy never dated anyone really hot, so we won't even bother to worry about them. Our only hope remains Lacey Chabert. She must now carry the Party of Five hotness torch.

At least I can enjoy the knowledge that gaywad dimpledouche Bailey never had any kind of career. But that's just a weak victory, much like a celebratory touchdown dance when your team is down by 40. Today my penis has shed a tear.

69 Was "Giving Him the Business"?

Really? If I were gettin' the business from a 69 I doubt I would call it a penalty. I would call it "Thursday afternoon."

Binocular Soccular

Silly striped spandex uniforms three-sizes-too-small-to-show-off-how-scrawny-your-giblets-are mandatory, obviously.

Myspace

Does anyone actually find that, um, fun? I spent fifteen minutes on Myspace yesterday and about two seconds into it I felt like stabbing myself in a sensitive area with a blunt pencil for even considering getting on that site.

Be that as it may, I plowed through that nonsense because there are just too many girlies and hot girlie pictures that I would not have access to were I not a member of that marker of mass stupidity.

This is my sexy Myspace picture.

I throw many sexy myspace parties (well, I plan to. I haven't yet, but I just joined so cut me some slack. I'm a very busy dude, you know, working out and flexing in front of the mirror and all), so if you're ready to party sexy-like, hit me up on there. My abs have their own agent, so if you want to party with them, you'll have to call their agency first. Sorry, but those are the rules.

Bingo + Deer Shanking =

Fun Fun Fun!

My Favorite Music Video of the Hour

There's nothing like a dreamy Ahmadinejad laying on a piano. Well, maybe blumpkins, but they're so rare, and I don't have a video of them.

Oh No!

And by "Oh No!" I'm referring to this article regarding Maria Sharapova sucking in bed. And not literally, which would be more "Oh Yes!" than "Oh no!"

It comes as no particular surprise that a very attractive girl sucks in bed. That happens quite frequently. Trust me, I know. My numerous sexual trysts with supermodels have taught me nothing, if not that. The disappointing, and quite frankly disgusting, part of the story is the revelation that the massive douchebag Adam Levine fornicated with the fine piece of woman that is Sharapova. When I remember that he also hooked up with Jessica Simpson my head asplodes.

Can I Scratch My Nuts?

"Damn. They Itch."

So, here's the deal

As it turns out, it's probably best to focus one's blog energies on one specific area of interest and refine your content for some semblance of cohesion to a reader. Not to my surprise, I've run into some troubles focusing on any specific area. I find my mind wandering from sports, to politics, to wasteful celebritard gossip, and as per my original intention spew it all out here basically as unfiltered as it comes into my head. One of the downsides to this, of course, is inevtiably that there is almost no direction to this written junkyard of the internet, and as such, will be almost impossible for anyone to follow, unless you're me.

But you're not. And that's probably for the best.

Perhaps, at some point in time, I'll find the desire and stamina to write to a specific end, but until that time comes, this is as good as it's going to get. Current events, news, sports, sex, celebrity, gossip, and general nonsense that fills my days will fill this screen.

I'm fully aware that a person of any intellect whatsoever will have, as they should, absolutely no desire or reason to read anything as wasteful and inept as this. As such, I do not expect anyone to read it. These words are nothing more than a half-hearted, random, incomplete online journal of my meandering existence. My head is not somewhere the weak minded should attempt to trudge through, as there are times I cannot even escape the banal mainstream desires that bounce through my gord.

Maybe I'll write or link something funny tomorrow. Today seems entriely non-productive.

Dude, you're doing it wrong...

Seriously, stop it dude, you're disturbing the shit out of me.

Lindsay Blohan

See what I did there? It's really Lindsay Lohan, but I replaced Lohan with Blowhan, you know, because she does a lot of cocaine and "blow" is slang for cocaine. Clever, eh?

Lindsay was apparently filmed by a "friend" of hers doing Tony Montana style bumps in a toilet somewhere. I say apparently as, judging by the pictures, it very well could be Lindsay Lohan. It could also very well be Sasquatch. Or the ghost of Molly Hatchet. I really can't see shit on these pictures. However, I comes as no surprise to me that a young moronic Hollywood actress might actually do drugs.

Oh, yeah, her "friend" also says that Lindsay is a whore bedding James Blunt, Jude Law, Calum Best, Jared Leto, Benecio Del Torro, Joaquin Phoenix and James Franco, just to name a few. I don't know who all of those guys are, but I'm just going to assume they're dirty man whores.

I'd be willing to bet that the "friend" releasing all these details is really just an ugly, possibly obese, acquaintance who is unable to get any tail other than Lindsay's sloppy leftovers.

Anyway, the pictures of Ms. Lohan, or Sasquatch, you decide, are here for your enjoyment.