Random Link Stuff

• How about that Alicia Keys. Usually the only celebrity types I pay attention to are really attractive and generally delightfully wang hardening, and she's really not in that category, but she really can sing her some songs. She reminds me of Whitney from about 10 years ago, but without the crack and husband with the IQ of a Firestone tire. What brings this random thought? Just listening to this: No One

• Whoever had the under on the over/under on whether or not Britney Spears little sister made it to the age of consent before turning into a dirty trailer-trash whore is out buying shots for all his friends right now. Personally, I would have teased that down to the pre-embryonic stages, but for some reason Vegas doesn't carry odds on dudes sperm. Which is probably a good thing. Proof.

• Picture of hot chicks because word-only posts don't belong on the internets.

• In a totally unrelated note, for some reason the parenting book the Spears family matriarch was writing has been put on indefinite hold. I can't understand why. It would be a runaway hit, I'm sure, besting the stunningly awesome numbers put up by the Bill O'Reilly book on Humility, the Carrot Top joke book and Stalin's anthology on Human Rights.

• Finally, while I normally abhor everything that is the Dallas Cowboys and their troglodyte fans (although troglodyte fans aren't limited to just Dallas, obviously), I must say I'm enjoying Tony Romo and his penis derailing his team. Every time he brings a ridiculously hot chick to his games he seems to suck up and down the field. Which is manly. Because, were I a professional football player dating a gorgeous chick in the stands, my mind would certainly be up there with her instead of down on the turf, with my hands between some dude's legs looking at a line of five 300+ lb. linemen in spandex. Super special two picture post, since this post is related to Jessica.

And the Results are In

Cinco de Mayo (and Seis) was chock full of excitement and news. A small recap:

• The brown horse won the Kentucky Derby. Then he ate an apple and took a nap. Also, the value of his ejaculate just increased twenty-thousand fold. I think his name was Street Sense, but the only thing that matters is that he paid $11.80 if you bet on him to win.
• Some judges you never heard of disagreed on who won the Mayweather/De La Hoya fight, ultimately coming to the decision that Mayweather probably won. In their opinion. Mayweather also claims to have retired, but that's about as believable as his claim that he's the best fighter ever. Namely, it's not.
  
• Nicholas Sarkozy has been elected president of France, defeating hot-for-a-presidential-candidate socialist Segolene Royal. Sarkozy says he'll try to get the French to work more, and make it easier to hire and fire workers. No word on whether he'll force them to be less stinky.
  
• Gabe Reudiger couldn't make his 155 lb weight on The Ultimate Fighter, in part because the damn chump was eating fucking Ice Cream Cake the day before weigh in. His solution? Multiple colonics, obviously. Not only are you half a fag for getting multiple colonics, you were the weakest link. Goodbye!
• And finally, lots of people all over the country used the day as an excuse to drink, despite not knowing anything about Cinco de Mayo and it's significance, other than the fact that they can get a nickel off of a Corona at the local pub. Really, you should have imbibed doubly, as it fell on a Saturday this year and you know you use any weekend day as an excuse to get bombed anyway.