Myspace

Does anyone actually find that, um, fun? I spent fifteen minutes on Myspace yesterday and about two seconds into it I felt like stabbing myself in a sensitive area with a blunt pencil for even considering getting on that site.

Be that as it may, I plowed through that nonsense because there are just too many girlies and hot girlie pictures that I would not have access to were I not a member of that marker of mass stupidity.

This is my sexy Myspace picture.

I throw many sexy myspace parties (well, I plan to. I haven't yet, but I just joined so cut me some slack. I'm a very busy dude, you know, working out and flexing in front of the mirror and all), so if you're ready to party sexy-like, hit me up on there. My abs have their own agent, so if you want to party with them, you'll have to call their agency first. Sorry, but those are the rules.

It's a start

Paris Hilton has been sentenced to forty-five days in jail for violating the terms of her probation. While I would have guessed that the item she violated was stealing air from the rest of productive society, turns out it was for something else. Namely, driving her socialitemobile around L.A. on a suspended license. Twice. You'd think she could afford a fucking cab.

Upon appearing in court Paris and her legal team had constructed a foolproof legal defense. What was this awesome legal action sure to free Paris from the injustice of having to follow laws like the rest of the world, you ask? Pleading pure unadulterated ignorance, of course.

She said that when an officer who stopped her in January made her sign a document stating her license was suspended, she thought he was mistaken and did not actually look at the document.

"I'm very sorry and from now on I'm going to pay complete attention to everything. I'm sorry and I did not do it on purpose at all," she told the judge before he announced the sentence.

Hrm. Really? You will? While ignoring the obvious physical and theoretical impossibilities involved with paying "complete attention to everything" I find her credibility a bit suspect. Only substitute "credibility a bit suspect" with "a vapid lying whore." But, I can't be too upset, because she is going to jail and any time a rich waste of flesh goes to jail a little piece of my soul throws a party. Unfortunately for the world her jail stay is approximately eighty-three-trillion two-hundred and six days too short.

Typical

It's late, I'm tired, and I need to sleep. Before I can rest peacefully I've got to vent. This rant goes out to all the fucktards who say, "Opinions are like assholes, everyone's got 'em" and then end their statement there, as if that's the complete saying. It should be continued to its proper ending, "...and nobody wants to hear yours!" By stopping short with the ending you classify yourself as a dolt to anyone with more than sixty-two functioning neurons. You sound like Biff Tannen, only dumber because you aren't scripted. Idiot. That being said, I'm going to make like a tree and get out of here.