Binocular Soccular

Silly striped spandex uniforms three-sizes-too-small-to-show-off-how-scrawny-your-giblets-are mandatory, obviously.

Myspace

Does anyone actually find that, um, fun? I spent fifteen minutes on Myspace yesterday and about two seconds into it I felt like stabbing myself in a sensitive area with a blunt pencil for even considering getting on that site.

Be that as it may, I plowed through that nonsense because there are just too many girlies and hot girlie pictures that I would not have access to were I not a member of that marker of mass stupidity.

This is my sexy Myspace picture.

I throw many sexy myspace parties (well, I plan to. I haven't yet, but I just joined so cut me some slack. I'm a very busy dude, you know, working out and flexing in front of the mirror and all), so if you're ready to party sexy-like, hit me up on there. My abs have their own agent, so if you want to party with them, you'll have to call their agency first. Sorry, but those are the rules.

Bingo + Deer Shanking =

Fun Fun Fun!

My Favorite Music Video of the Hour

There's nothing like a dreamy Ahmadinejad laying on a piano. Well, maybe blumpkins, but they're so rare, and I don't have a video of them.

Oh No!

And by "Oh No!" I'm referring to this article regarding Maria Sharapova sucking in bed. And not literally, which would be more "Oh Yes!" than "Oh no!"

It comes as no particular surprise that a very attractive girl sucks in bed. That happens quite frequently. Trust me, I know. My numerous sexual trysts with supermodels have taught me nothing, if not that. The disappointing, and quite frankly disgusting, part of the story is the revelation that the massive douchebag Adam Levine fornicated with the fine piece of woman that is Sharapova. When I remember that he also hooked up with Jessica Simpson my head asplodes.